bnicholas1

bnicholas1 @ 2009-02-14T02:04:00

2009-02-14T08:07:53Z

I should probably wait until Sunday to talk about whatever the hell is about to happen. But this is absolutely the deal breaker. There's no reason to continue going through this, whatever this is.

bnicholas1 @ 2009-02-08T23:02:00

2009-02-09T06:02:45Z

There are times when life seems to be going pretty damn good. This may be one of those times.
I just got back from the Patti Pace Performance Festival in Carbondale, Illinois, at Southern Illinois University. The festival itself was amazing. It was good to see what other schools are up to in terms of performance techniques. It was good to see that I have gained at least some knowledge and scholarship in graduate school. It felt really good to haver my professors shop me around to their colleagues, and to have them express interest in my work and an interest in collaboration. I had some great talks with Lisa and Ruth, my advisor, and have a plan to write and direct a show, write my thesis based on the show, take my comps, and graduate in a year.
So, while professionally things are going really well, I could stand to do a little improving in other areas. I really am sick of being single. And, while I'm not necessarily looking to get into a relationship soon, I'm kinda on the lookout. And, while he's a complete sweetheart, and I have nothing but good things to say about him, Rob's most likely not going to be it. That's not a bad thing, it seems. I'm just not going to put all my eggs in that basket, so to speak.

Baby, all I have I want to give to thee.....

2009-01-27T08:06:06Z

Me: "So, do you want kids?" (dumb question to ask a high school teacher)

Rob: (paraphrasing) "I would love to have kids. That's my dream, to adopt by the time I'm 40." (which is only three years away, fyi).

Me: "Seriously?" (already slightly uncomfortable; should I mention I don't like kids?)

Rob: "Yeah. And, there are so many HIV positive orphans out there. When I was a counselor in San Francisco, I always said I'd adopt a positive baby and give it a home. I just want a little girl."

Me: (dead on floor)

I'm trying not to be pessimistic, I really am. But shit like this CANNOT keep happening. I'm not ready to fall for a guy. Especially THIS guy.

This is not going to end well.

bnicholas1 @ 2009-01-19T01:52:00

2009-01-19T07:53:13Z

The more I do this, the more I like this dude.
This can't possibly end well.

bnicholas1 @ 2009-01-06T19:07:00

2009-01-07T01:09:30Z

Sometimes I wish I were a sociopath, and felt no emotions whatsoever. Liking someone can be just as devastating as having your heart broken sometimes.

bnicholas1 @ 2009-01-03T08:30:00

2009-01-03T14:31:57Z

So, that's what a good date is.

bnicholas1 @ 2009-01-01T16:15:00

2009-01-01T22:17:56Z

I'm not entirely sure what just happened, but I think I just asked Rob out on a date, and he said yes.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-12-28T18:08:00

2008-12-29T00:12:11Z

Things I did in 2008,

(x) stayed single for the whole year
( ) got your first kiss
(x) kissed someone new
(x) made-out in/on a car
( ) kissed in the snow
(x) celebrated Halloween
(x) kissed in the rain
(x) fell in love
(x) had your heart broken
( ) broke someone else's heart
(x) had a stalker
(x) mooned someone
(x) went over the minutes on your cell phone
(x) had a good relationship with someone
(x) suffered
(x) someone questioned your sexual orientation
( ) came out of the closet
( ) gotten pregnant
( ) gotten someone else pregnant
( ) had an abortion
( ) gotten married
( ) had a divorce
(x) dated someone you'll never forget
(x) done something you've regretted
( ) lost your true love
(x) lost faith in love
( ) kissed under mistletoe
(x) got a promotion
( ) got a pay raise
(x) changed jobs
(x) waited until one day before to begin a project
( ) lost your job
(x) quit your job
(x) dated a co-worker
( ) dated your boss
( ) dated your boss' daughter/son
( ) got fired from your job
(x) took an honors/advanced class
( ) broke the dress code
(x) did something you were proud of
(x) discovered a new talent
(x) proved yourself an idiot
(x) were involved in something you'll never forget
( ) painted a picture
(x) wrote a poem
(x) ran a mile
( ) seen a live concert
( ) shopped at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch
(x) posted a blog on MySpace
(x) listened to music you couldn't stand
( ) went swimming
( ) skinny-dipped
(x) went to a sleepover
( ) went camping
(x) threw a surprise party
(x) laughed till you cried
( ) laughed till you peed in your pants
() flirted shamelessly
( ) broke in a line of waiting people
(x) volunteered to help out others
( ) visited a new state
(x) told someone you were busy when you weren't
(x) partied to celebrate the new year
(x) cooked a disastrous meal
(x) drove the car drunk
( ) lost something/someone important to you
(x) smoked a cigarette
( ) lied about how old you were
(x) got a gift you adore
(x) got 'shit faced' on alcohol
( ) took a nude picture of yourself
( ) almost got arrested
( ) prank called someone
(x) saw a college football game in person
( ) graduated

don't nobody bring me no bad news....

2008-12-21T21:25:51Z

What would I do
If I could suddenly feel
And to know once again
That what I feel is real?

I could cry
I could smile
I might lay back for a while
Oh, tell me what
What would I do if I could feel?

What would I do
If I could reach inside of me
And to know how it feels
To say I like what I see?

Then I'd be more
than glad to share
All that I have inside of here
And the songs
My heart might bring
You'd be more
Than glad to sing
And if tears should fall from my eyes
Just think of all the wounds
They could mend
And just think of all the time
I could spend
Just being vuln'rable again
Oh, tell me what
What would I do?
Oh, tell me what
What would I do?
Oh, tell me what
What would I do
If I could feel?

I have been single for the past five years, ever since I made the decision to break up with Tommy and go back to school full time. And, for the most part, I haven't regretted it. But lately, there's this part of me that's been feeling... I don't know. I guess it's been getting to me a little lately.
I've always been a relationship person. I don't casually date very well, what with me being socially awkward and uncomfortable. I'm way too quiet and shy for casual dating- a feeling that has been getting worse as I get older.
There's this guy I have a massively huge crush on. Everyone who has met him, and seen us together, says that the feeling is mutual. I don't see it. I want it to be true, I desperately do. It's been a long time since I've felt like this about anyone-since Tommy, since Jermal. I've had crushes before, but this-this is more than that.
I actually wish it wasn't. This guy is bad news. Not in a bad way-he's not a bad person. But, he's completely in the opposite place from myself. Whereas I want to settle down and be in a relationship, he wants to be single and party. There's nothing wrong with that, and I'm okay with it, really. It's just that spending time with him keeps that feeling of wanting to settle down alive. It's not going to happen with him-I could get laid, but I can get laid with anyone. (Almost. Maybe. If I paid them. Anyway.....) I want more than that. I'm ready for more than that.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-12-13T11:00:00

2008-12-13T17:01:21Z

My car is gone.
My computer is dead.
I have a final paper due in 5 hours.
I don't know what to do.

from the Economist:

2008-11-03T19:22:28Z

"A man who started with no money and few supporters has out-thought, out-organised and outfought the two mightiest machines in American politics—the Clintons and the conservative right."

I can't stand the waiting. I am so nervous about tomorrow it's not even funny.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-10-28T21:24:00

2008-10-29T02:24:52Z

why do I always wait until the last minute to do assignments?

GOD!!

2008-09-17T04:17:09Z

Was I this stupid as an undergrad?!?

Syllabus:"Quiz 2 will be on Overview of Rhetoric in your course packet."

Me(and Kent): "Quiz 2 will be on Overview of Rhetoric in your course packet."

students (in emails): "What's our quiz on? Is it in the packet?"

bnicholas1 @ 2008-09-16T20:20:00

2008-09-17T01:36:23Z

So, I've been trying to put up a post for a few days about the experience with Gustav, beginning last weekend in New Orleans at Southern Decadence, and finally ending with the acquisition of delicious delicious power (in the words of Holley Vaughn, "Call me She-Ra, cause I'm the Princess of Power, bitch!")
So, John and I went down for Southern Decadence, despite warnings of Gustav. The trip was fun, despite the relatively few people who were down there. I ran into Andre and my New Year's guy. (More about him later.)Despite the continuing dwindling number of people, we stayed until about Saturday night, when it became apparent that most of the city had already evacuated.
The next day was spent pretty much preparing for the hurricane. Like arrogant fools, we stocked up on a lot of beer, preparing for simply a few hours without power. Some of the newer grad students who had never gone through a hurricane were a little freaked, and stocked up on a shitload of canned food, water, batteries, etc. Us old vets laughed at them.
I decided to weather out the storm in John's apartment. It was this big brick fortress that was one of the few places in Spanishtown that went through Katrina with a loss of power of only a few hours. Rebecca came with us and brought her cat Sampson.
The storm comes through, and the wind is out of control. I'm sitting in the middle of the room, Rebecca's sitting on the futon next to it, and John is at the door, when all of a sudden, the glass in the window blows in, flying directly to my face. None of us are hurt, but Sampson freaks the fuck out and tries to jump out the window. And Rebecca, amidst flying shards of glass and debris, tries to go after him.
We finally hole ourselves up in the bathroom, and wait out the rest of the storm. We finally end up running to Ari's house, still in the middle of the hurricane force winds. Things seem to calm down after that, at least for the rest of us. Poor John suffered the rest of the week bouncing from house to house, and suffered a really bad spider bite that became infected and grew to the size of a purple grapefruit (I'm not kidding). The worst was that when power finally did come back on, an electrical short set his apartment on fire.
That's been my Gustav experience. Basically I've spent the entire time avoiding the Biblical plagues visited upon John.

The better, original Medea.....

2008-08-15T05:34:13Z

Not to knock Tyler Perry, but how amazing is this!

bnicholas1 @ 2008-08-10T23:04:00

2008-08-11T05:07:30Z

Wow. So this is it.
After four and a half years, I'm down to my final week at DeAngelo's.
It's kind of a surreal experience. I haven't totally processed the fact that I will no longer wait tables for the rest of my life. There have been times when I absolutely despised it, and I certainly am glad that I am getting out of the food service industry.
But, I will definitely miss DeAngelo's. I have met a lot of amazing people, I've learned a lot about myself, what I'm capable of, and what I'm worth. I will definitely miss working there.

But, I'm also excited and nervous about becoming a teaching assistant. I'm not sure what I'm going to be in for, having never officially taught before. I don't know what to expect, but it promises to be exciting.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-07-18T07:49:00

2008-07-18T12:56:28Z

I saw The Dark Knight at midnight, and still I am unable to go to sleep.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-06-10T17:38:00

2008-06-10T22:47:44Z

Man. Man oh man.

Sex and the City was such an awesome movie.

I want a whole new wardrobe. And apartment. In New York City.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-05-12T12:17:00

2008-05-12T17:23:34Z

I've decided for the summer that:

a) Since both David and Cora have moved out of the house next door, I want one of their apartments. I don't really care which one.

b) When I get one of their apartments, I will get a puppy.

c) I am training for a marathon.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-04-29T19:30:00

2008-04-30T00:35:38Z

Do they give master's degrees in procrastination and fucking off? Cause man, I've got that one on lock.

He was so hot.....steam looked cool!

2008-04-16T01:44:34Z

The first time I saw the Disney movie Hercules, I was a little disturbed by the depiction of the Muses as a gospel choir. I could never quite put my finger on it. There wasn't anything particularly offensive about it. I wasn't particularly bothered by the way they reduced the number of Muses from nine to five. And, I loved their music.
Earlier this week, when I was waiting for my Analysis of Narrative class to begin, one of the undergrads asked if anyone had remembered to bring in an example of a narrative. Because I had spent the night playing X-Men: Legends instead of working on the literal ton of work due in the next two weeks, I had not. In my panic to find something, I remembered that I had a few songs from the Hercules soundtrack on my ipod. So, I scrambled to come up with something to talk about, and discovered I wasn't uncomfortable with the Muses at all.

The use of the Muses as a choir was brilliant. And not just because singing a hero's praises is what the Muses did anyway.
Because the movie is just a retelling of the story of Jesus.

I'm probably the last person on Earth to realize this...and the fact that it took me ten years to do so probably means I shouldn't count on finishing grad school early.

But,

I dare you watch this and not smile.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-04-08T17:31:00

2008-04-08T22:35:03Z

Someone remind me why I wanted to be in grad school in the first place.

Wow

2008-04-03T02:47:07Z

It's been a long time since a comic book really made me go "Oh, shit!"
But, Secret Invasion #1 just did.
I hope that Marvel follows through on all the implications of the series.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-03-29T21:38:00

2008-03-30T02:41:26Z

It's 9:30 on a Saturday night and I'm home alone.
Please God, kill me now.

bnicholas1 @ 2008-03-27T11:49:00

2008-03-27T16:55:24Z

http://tv.popcrunch.com/february-2008-playboy-celebrity-apprentice%E2%80%99s-tiffany-fallon-in-wonder-woman-body-paint-pictures/

Sigh.
I don't get it.